My top five strengths are empathy, connectedness, adaptability, development, and strategy. I can understand people, and find solace in the rhythms of life. The whims of fate don’t faze me. I see the potential in everyone and the myriad paths into the future.
Everyone has their dark nights of the soul, the times when everything’s going off the rails and they feel utterly alone. This past May, my mental health crashed and burned, and I spent long, sleepless nights in bleak contemplation, wondering if I’d ever be happy again.
But I held on.
I had friends to swap rants with, easing the loneliness of despair. My therapist was an incredible help, teaching me tricks to keep a grip on my thoughts, letting me pour my heart out to her.
Still, I felt helpless.
I turned to my faith, not seeking answers, but only a little comfort.
Every spare moment I had, I whispered a quick prayer, begging for strength to pull through, to find the future I knew was there but couldn’t see. I threw myself into a war with my own subconscious, with the love of my friends at my side, the trust of my therapist to watch my back, and the light of Aradia, goddess of magick and hope, as my sword and shield.
It was a hard-fought battle. Good days became fewer and farther between, bad nights left me lying awake feeling miserable for longer and longer. I refused to give up, though, and dedicated myself to staying afloat until I could get a handle on things. I fought on until every beat of my heart became a prayer.
Then, as May turned to June, just after my worst night yet, I got the upper hand.
I’d lain in bed dry-sobbing until five in the morning, gripping the edge of the bedstead because I didn’t trust myself to not do anything drastic. The next morning, I fired off a long, heartfelt, and rather colorful rant to my friends over text, then launched into the most fervent prayers of my life. That afternoon, I had a psychiatrist appointment, and I told her everything. We’d been fiddling with my medicine for a few months at this point, and hearing what I’d been struggling with let her finally find something that worked.
One thing missing and I don’t think I would’ve made it through that month unscathed. Friends and care helped keep me afloat, but so did my own conviction, finding strength through faith, knowing that everything is connected and I never have to fight alone.
While connectedness helped me through some of my most difficult days, the strength I want to be known for is empathy. Helping others gives me fulfillment, a means of giving back for everything my loved ones have done for me. I’m a motherly soul by nature, avoiding conflict and always seeking to understand the people I care about. I want people to understand that I’m not trying to pry or appease anyone, that I genuinely care about them and I want to know how I can make them happiest.
